An intense medical examination revealed that too much time spent writing a Global Studies paper and absorbing 50-page articles like "The Nation-State in the Culture of Capitalism: The Society of Perpetual Growth," sitting at a computer writing for 5 hours straight and attempting to write a research proposal, which meant reading medical journals, rendered the student's brain absolutely useless.
"I think she had it coming, as Godly punishment for actually enjoying her Saturday," said a source close to Abby.
Doctor Imtired Iwanttogotobed, an expert in academic burnout, said the only cure for brain-mushiness is an over-consumption of caffeinated beverages and fake-cheese products over a short period of time.
Abby's spokesman said she fully intends to follow all medical advice, and says that Abby had already started phasing these practices into her daily routine, approximately three years ago.
Abby is scheduled to spend many more hours in front of the computer over the next week and Iwanttogotobed said that it is unlikely that Abby will be able to fully recover or have a full night's sleep until mid-May.
**Oh, and I've finally joined Twitter. For those of you who don't know, Twitter just answers the question, "What are you doing?" in 140 characters. To see it, go to twitter.com/ICabby. I can easily update it many times a day. So you can know when I, like, get locked out.
Yeah, that happened. Today is just awesome.
