This post is not at all cohesive or logical

Electric lawnmowers are the absolute stupidest contraptions I have ever come into contact with.

I mean really. I'm going to inexplicably blame a random engineer for today's wrestling match with extension cords in a backyard in weather worthy of a sunny rainforest.

Let me reiterate my desire to live in an oasis of concrete for that blissful time "when I grow up."

Anyway, so yeah, I did that today. And it was stupid. And there were no outdoor outlets. And I used multiple extension cords. And probably got West Nile.

It was one of those days where you can't really look at things critically while they're happening because if you do, you'll probably panic. It started off with my alarm at 5 a.m. and me wondering WHAT IS HAPPENING? Then remembering the day. I ate breakfast praying it became, well, not pitch-black outside because I had to ride my bike to my babysitting job.

Okay. I'm going to get side tracked here. There are many things I am just naturally inclined to. Swimming. That came really easily once I stopped refusing to put my face in the water. Writing. Well, that's up for debate given the grammatical looseness of this post, but you know what I mean. There are also things I am just do NOT take to. Tennis. I have injured others. And bike riding. I can do it but that does not mean I will be happy about it. I will also have a mild anxiety attack and picture myself being tossed over the handlebars (which feel deceptively high off the ground) in increasingly more dramatic ways. I will also decide every car is going to hit me.

This is funny because my dad seriously bikes 17 miles to work and my uncle and his girlfriend do all kinds of intense athletic things on bikes that usually involve bringing multiple bikes for a single weekend at the lake. Even my sister ended up on a mountain biking excursion a few weekends back. Due to her stellar communications skills, I am pretty sure she was on the ground before her companion realized she had absolutely no clue what she was doing.

SEE?

Anyway, I was thrilled to be on a bike at 5:30 am. Luckily, the ungodly hour made the roads pretty empty. I still did a lot of nervous swaying until I got the hang of things. I also white-knuckled the majority of it. I got there in seriously good time. So I stayed with the kids for a few hours until I drove them to camp for--I am totally serious--Hobo Picnic Day.

As the two of them trotted off with their lunches in bandanas tied to sticks, I was wondering if I would also find myself considering the social ramifications of the camp's next Fun Friday Activity, Teddy Bear Tea day.

Catholic schools. I don't even know.

Then I went home and fought with a vacuum cleaner, followed by an all-out strategic war with the electric lawnmower.

I won both, but not without getting my first bee sting in probably a decade.

That settles it. I am old.

Then later it was more babysitting, to complete my 24.5 hours of childcare for the past three days. And granted, I sit for good kids. Only one of them enjoys screaming at me for extended periods, and he kind of has an excuse because he is eight months old and teething. But they're still kids, and I am tired and miss real people conversation. Even college-kid conversation.

(Though I gotta say, today a five year old looked at me seriously and said, "You know why Mario is FREAKING AWESOME?" and I died inside with the familiarity of it all. It even sounded like he was from Brooklyn or at the very least, Rochester.)

I don't know how mothers do it. I really don't. And I get paid to do all these things.

All I know now is that I am going to curl up in a comfy chair and watch wayyyy too many back-to-back West Wing episodes. And it is going to be freaking awesome.