Sad Face. :( HAPPY FACE :)

Today, I worked at computer for approximately 8 hours. I went over signing statements, and tried to find someone who could tell me which specific gosh-dang federal websites are being shut down because of this waste cutting initiative. It was fun. That is only kind of a lie. I love doing the analysis. I hate not being able to find information. Hence my choices in collegiate study.

So this has actually been a pretty good day. The reason I have cause to whine about it is that I am in an office, and the entire rest of my family is AT THE LAKE.

So now I am going to make myself feel a little better about that by talking about the awesome things I did this week. I actually attended the announcement of the Transparency and Waste Cutting Executive Order. And this meant I got to go to the Executive Offices--super fancy, by the way--and sit about five feet from Vice President Joe Biden while he said interesting things and gave you only kind of rational hope for the future of bureaucratic management and government accountability and oh-my-god-isn't-he charming?!

So that was certainly a moment. Also, to this event I wore this awesome pink dress, and it was a complete Elle Woods moment.

I also wore shoes that destroyed my feet. That was less awesome.

That same day, to make it cooler, I went to another branch of government, and sat in at a panel on transparency in tax expenditures at the legislative offices on Capitol Hill. This was relatively boring, because it was people talking about tax expenditures, duh, but cool because I got to run around legislative offices. And by run, I mean hobble, because by that point my feet had been torn to shreds because of stupid fancy shoes.

Yesterday, I got to go to a meeting at the American Bar Association. It looked exactly like you'd expect the American Bar Association to look like. There were literally pillars outside and the meeting was held in a dark wood-paneled room with huge comfy leather chairs. Before going to the meeting, one of my bosses and I went to this chic little bakery and got shmancy sandwiches. After, on our way back, she generously bought me my very first ridiculously expensive and silly designer cupcake. It was delicious. Because I am me, I chose chocolate peanut butter. It came in a fancy specially-designed box with clear paneling. I ate that thing with a spoon because I felt like it was fancy enough to deserve some sort of utensil.

Closing note: you cannot sneeze in Washington, DC without getting snot on both a cupcake shop, frozen yogurt shop, and a Cosi all at once.

Aren't you pleased I used this imagery? Me too.

Life as a Faux-Adult

This 9 to 5 business is seriously cramping my laziness.

This summer I'm an intern at an organization working for government transparency and openness. In August, I'll be kicking it on Capitol Hill in Rep.Chris Van Hollen's office.

I cannot wear spandex at either location. This is, of course, very upsetting to me. I haven't blogged at all because I spend all day staring at a computer crunching numbers or researching. The feeling I have at 5pm is not unlike having smacked my face against my desk repeatedly for 8 hours. Thus, a perfect excuse to avoid the computer entirely for my few free hours and not blog at all!

But you know what? The gig's also totally cool. My internship has already taken me to meetings and events across DC--from a meeting at the National Archives, to a cocktail hour in a shmancy tented garden. Because my parents strategically planned my birth and early entrance into the school system to make me miserable, I am still too young to take advantage of any of the free booze provided at these events.

It's also nice, I must admit, to know that the work you're doing actually means something. Being productive does not mean working towards a final letter grade on a transcript. I am ACTUALLY BEING PRODUCTIVE and contributing to society. I also get to try to blend in with the best of the up and coming, suit-and-tied grad school graduate crowds that dominate Dupont Circle during the lunch hour. This is mainly because over the years I have hoarded Starbucks gift cards, and now I am taking full advantage and completely over-caffeinating myself.

My sister is spending her summer working at a physical therapy/chiropractic/massage/awesomeness/wellness center, and despite her intensive preppy-kid training at RPI, she has assimilated to the hippy wellness culture extremely well. The Ithacan in me is thrilled.The blogger in me is extremely jealous, because she gets to interact with prime comedic candidates on a regular basis, like people who get regular afternoon massages and life coaches who see your plans for med school as a cover-up for your obvious spiritual uncertainty. She also does real things, like helping with PT, which I would avoid at all costs. You know, given my fear of anything related to bodily functions.

Unfortunately on this particular lunch break, the oppressive 100-degree heat is keeping me inside, praising the gods of modern technology for blessing us with air conditioning.


This thought often goes through my head during winter in Ithaca, but it definitely applies to summer in Washington, DC. "Why did the human race try to settle here?" And also, guys, WHY THE SWAMP? WHY?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Wikipedia that immediately so that I can gripe in a more informed manner.

I Just Realized That I'm TERRIFIED

In approximately 24 hours, I will be a senior in college.

For some reason, it hit me approximately 2 minutes ago while I was washing my hands. I am absolutely, positively terrified of the real world.

This summer, I am working 9 to 5 in a paid internship that actually reflects my career goals. Career. Job. There is no summer job, really, after this summer. After that, I have to find a job FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. (Grad school will come eventually, but a little money-making, soul-searching first.)

This is not lifeguarding, or coaching, or babysitting. It is real life. And after those few short months I get to head back to the comforting structure of the semester system, with classes scattered throughout the day and practice each evening. I can still go to a dining hall for dinner. I will still be oblivious as to what electricity costs.

But then, it's over. For all the talk I've done about growing up with study abroad and the independence I appreciate and how much I want to make a difference, I am scared. I am scared of actually having to do that. I like the idea of it so much better. The, "What do you want to do when you grow up" question is fun to answer. The "what are you doing right now?" is absolutely overwhelming. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I am 20 years old, a year away from graduation.

Most of the time I feel like a complete fraud, and that people all around me think I have things together but I really, really don't. I feel like I'm trying to keep a volcano of all the responsibilities and goals and dreams and fears plugged up, and the pressure is building and building and I'm trying to keep a calm face on while I keep it pinned down.

This growing up thing is kinda exhausting. I thought puberty was supposed to be the hard part. Liars.

And now, I need to stop procrastinating and study for this final. Real life isn't here just yet.